Chester le Street United v Harton and Weston Pythons
10th April 2021

‘It was the best of times, and the worst of times’

We had all yearned for the pull of something positive, something real back into our lives, there’s nothing more real than watching 14 ten year olds kicking seven bells out of each other.. 🤣🤣

It was Game on!
Snow, rain or wind we were up for it.

A year on we had transformed as a team..
Today would see if our lockdown training preparations had been beneficial or not.

The Yassinator had been signed up to a multi-million pound deal by L’Oreal due to his incomparable glossy Lion’s mane..
(No not jealous at all Marc🤨)

Whilst The Brickwall had joined The WWE as a wrestling champion, laying down The mighty Rock with his infamous Worldie Mortar-slam in his first duel..👊

The Beast had beefed up to 220lbs, living mainly on eggs, steak and roadkill for 52 weeks will do that to a young man.. 💪

It was Hammer Time once again as JK returned to the promised land after his £27m loan deal with Juventus had come to an end… that was next year’s trip to Florida sorted. 🤨

Maximus was looking ready, eyes gleaming last night in training and even more determined than before..
the Annus Horribilis in the distant past, ‘Going Forward’ we would be Kelly’s Heroes once more.. 👊❤️


Harry     James


Adam      Callum


Ben, Yass, Jack, Kai.

The whistle blew and it was Chester on the attack from the off.

The Enforcer CDM took the bull by the horns and stroked the ball like the consummate professional he is..
sublime awareness of space, head up and picking passes like a Viera. 👏👏

The Hurricane twirled the ball like a Harlem globe trotter, effortless movement and a left foot one can only dream of.

The Avenger broke through on the right side of goal and launched a diagonal howitzer of a shot across the HMS Pythagerous, surely 1-0 I thought!

🥺 but no, the sound of woodwork and a painful doink as we accepted the luck of the footballing gods..

Against the run of play we were hit with a sucker punch and before you could shout out to the hills
‘Sausage Rolls for Jinkin!’
The Pythons had struck with a venomous strike and 1-0.

How would we respond? What was in our hearts? 🤨

We kicked off pushing forward immediately, The Avenger looking for retribution, parity and a big slice of glory pie.

Jinkin was weaving his magic again, holding up the play and waiting for assistance in the attack..

Turning to evade the incoming tackle Jinkin slid the ball brilliantly to the oncoming Avenger who gladly received and was truly thankful before smashing the ball hard and low into the bottom right of the Pythons goal.
1-1 and a class finish! 👏👏

Jinkin continued putting on the pressure as he delivered a dangerous corner into the box, a battle royale ensued and after a pinball-fest we settled for a great shot from The Hurricane who carved a beauty just over the bar.. 👏👏

The Hitman was smashing it, great dribbles and simple passes undid the opposition. He had not lost any of the fire we know and love about the lad.

The Hoover was tackling like his Life depended on it, the rust shaken off within seconds, he began to establish defensive dominance.

One move culminated in Brickwall-Hitman-The Hammer weaving their passing magic into a right sided foray ending with a cracking Shot from Charlie The Enforcer!

Jack for Adam
Yass for Linx
Kai for Charlie
Ben for James

The super subs came on..
some might call it a Coaching masterclass move, others just pure genius… 😉

But as soon as those lads stepped on the hallowed turf it was Brazilian football on show…

The Pythons had no poison left now
and we had copious supplies of the antidote for whatever insidious bite they gave…

The Brickwall steady as a rock dispatched the ball to The Hitman,
A Python leapt and reared up dangerously in front of him, our eyes widened, The Hitman shimmied and rolled it passed the invisible hurdle..

Head up now, and a sublime pass to The Duffydonna CDM who received it on the half turn, sliding a precision weighted pass to the right wing for The Hammer to devastate their defence..

With a turn of his head, an insightful reverse pass was executed perfectly to find The Hurricane on the edge of the box, always humble and generous with his gifts of football he released the sphere to ‘The ball of Fire’ who is The Yassinator!

One touch and a heads up on his target would complete the perfect goal..
‘All my days’ 🥺
In my head I could imagine the mouse and the wheel,
the wheel was free wheeling without aid as the mouse lay on the floor of my brain receiving first aid for a nasty fall…

Bosh! The slap of leather on leather from 10 yards and that ever so silent murmur before the euphoria of young and old vocal chords were heard in total harmony!

2-1 and absolute joy for Chester👏👏👏

We had grasped the nettle..

The Hammer was imperious on the wing, great positions on the pitch and determined moves opened them up.

At one point The Duffydonna linked with The Yassinator, setting up The Hammer beautifully on the right of the Pythons box.. a swoop of the right peg and a curling bullet grazed the post!

Ooohhh close, The Hammer ran back with a smile as wide as The Tyne Bridge, he was switched on to full capacity, bursting with energy and ready to bring it! You could see the love for footy right their in his eyes… gleaming.

The Beast had a fire in his heart and in his Auburn hair which billowed in the winds of Silksworth…
His determined run and blasted shot caught the keeper off guard only managing to repel the cannonball shot out to The Hammer on the right of the box.

The Hammer rolled a simple but perfectly chosen pass to The Duffydonna who could
Be visibly seen drooling at the chops..

This was his chance, could he take it…
20 yards out maybe, several players in front of him,
‘nonsense he’ll not shoot man’
… Boom!!

As The Duffydonna looped a worldie over the crowded box catching the keeper off guard, his Pythonic Proximal, middle and distal phalanx
were erased by the vicious screaming asteroidal sphere passing over head..
3-1 and madness ensued on the pitch!

Incensed by this outrageous of finishes, The Pythons began to plot for their counterattack against us.

The Brickwall expected such a reply, and readied himself for any such actions.
I imagined the incomprehensiblity of a loss at this point.

But still the Pythons were determined and broke thru our defence smashing a powerful shot low and hard to the right of The Brickwall, before I could blink, I witnessed one of the finest full length saves from the big lad, leaping like a Dolphin, brilliantly tipping it round the post like The Durham Dino Zoff! 👏👏

Half time came at just the right time..
Broad smiles, sweat and ruddy faces greeted me in our huddle.. and that was just me and Commander Borthwick.. 🤣

Pride burst from within as I looked upon the young gladiators before me, strong, brave young men who had ‘withstood the slings and arrows of outrageous language’ during the first half..

to retain ones composure during the most intense of battles in Life whilst holding ones head high is to be applauded voraciously.. 👏👏👏

The 2nd half began with the same lads on the pitch for a smooth transition.

The Hurricane immediately showed his class as he was abruptly tackled in midfield by a particularly aggressive Python…
But with a sublime Cruyff turn he evaded not only Python number 1 but also Python number 2 bearing down on him from the opposite side.. sneaking through the narrow gap like a gazelle.

The atmosphere was becoming more and more intense as we played on, eventually The Yassinator saw his chance as the ball broke in the midfield..
in slow motion I saw an explosion of boots as the head on collision from a Python and Yassinator pixelated before my eyes…

I winced in agony as the dust settled, the ball squirmed away like a burst balloon..
unbelievably both players picked themselves up and looked for more full on action… 👏👏

Adam – Jack
Charlie- Kai
Linx- yass
James – Harry

The super subs came on to finish off the game… The Hitman looked exhausted, all of his energy left on the pitch as it should be.. brilliant effort lad 👏👏

The Beast moved into right back position whilst The Hoover took up his normal left back position.

Jinkin was ready to attack immediately, foraging into The Pythons Den creating mayhem and chaos in the oppositions box. Such balance and poise, he is an artist in front of goal. 👏👏

The Hurricane made some great deliveries taking the responsibilities for corners.

The Brickwall made a line of superb knee foot and hip deflective saves 🤣 after his injured hand demanded improvisation.

One of his hoofed clearances whooshed passed my nose clearing 50 yards easily.. 😳 tremendous power and control. 👏👏

Even our gifted goal to them had The Brickwall flying thru the air almost defying the worldie, touching it off the bar before just dropping in our goal.

3-2 just in case you weren’t excited and nervous enough 🥺😳🤣

10’minutes to go and the Chester Ladies and Gents were getting as nervous as cats on a hot tin roof! 🥺

The Beast was in no mood for defeat, his chest puffed out and muscles bulging defying the opposition… tackle after tackle, throwing himself into the meat grinder for his team mates…
I said to him afterwards, ‘it’s only gonna get more vicious in future son’
His retort simply stated ‘Bring it On!’

The Avenger quickly changed into The Brickwall’s borrowed Lycra WWE uniform before he man handled 2 large feisty Pythons on the touch line with a ‘clothesline’ followed by a ‘full body slam’
All within the rules I assure you… 🤨

After some vicious tackles and GBH we brought off The Duffydonna and The Hurricane for reassembly and cold spray treatment.

Shortly after the sweet sound of whistle was heard.. 🙏

What a well earned 3 points lads,
Much respect,
Very proud.